Chapter 4 - Shadow

Have you ever noticed the existence of your shadows? Always lurking, a black shadows. You never really noticed it, right? The real meaning of a shadows. You don't have access to it, you've forgotten. Forgotten that shadows are your darkness.

Since when have I been seeing this gray colored sky? Let's search together on the way for the sky that filled with spreading darkness. I'm afraid to look at the self that's reflected in the mirror. In days that doesn't seems to be shaken. On the day you bid farewell, you believed in it. Even though you don't know how to say it out loud. Please make it happened somehow, the two soul. I can hear the voice of you calling for someone inside the deep of your heart.

Your small cold hands and trembling lips. Able to carry on as if nothing has happened. Are you afraid of remembering someone? Struggling to swallow the words bubbling up to your lips. Your back view resembles falling white snow melting bit by bit. Just like the star that doesn't leave the dark night sky we'll carry this dream forever together with love and trust. If I were that certain someone I'd hug you hardened heart tightly in arms forever.

I'm in love with you, the person I hate the most, you enjoy pointing out every bad this about me. I'm in love with the critic and skeptic. A traitor, I'd trade you in a second. You're a drama provider, and instant update of the world, first class liar, attractive but bitter. Here I am, there you go again. I''l take you gladly, I'll take you in again.

There's no hope for you and me, wish this end right, wish that you would stop make my head spin over and over. It's over but what if we, if we just pretend. You'll play the love and I'll play the lead. So strike a pose and fake a smile. You're young and I never saw you grow, but you old enough to built up falling walls and false love. Wish this story would end. What a perfect story and we're move closer to final scene.

 

 

chapter? 3 (?)

As the birth rate declined. The population diminished considerably. To compensate for the lack of manual labor. A life form was created by me, I am making this based on my own desire. They similar yet different from people they known as 'STEIN'

"Say, what kind of flower is that?" 

"Oh, its name is still unknown."

"Hm, it's looks like an angel lives in this tree! Why don't you named it angel's feathers? Because the flower look like an angel's feather?"

THE GARDEN WHERE AN ANGEL LIVES

"Say, didn't you say we'd go see the zoo today?!"

"I had to go, to do some work all of sudden, so let's go another time."

"WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT, ME OR YOUR JOB!?"

"Don't throw a tantrum! Since when you sounds like preschooler from the soap opera?"

"Yes, yes enough... Here I am your lovely doctor for periodic house call."

Leaning back against his leather chair, the psychiatrist underlined a word with his quill, add emphasis to the thought. Peering over his round spectacles, he examined the patient before him once more.

"Since the zoo came we don't need to go to the zoo anymore."

I went out from the room and just leave both of them alone for the examination.

He's anomaly. Compared to other STEIN his extremities are frail and his lifespan is short since he's the first STEIN that I made and the only STEIN that know feelings. This fleeting existence includes affection, he is called -the broken angel-

He knows that but always seems to be cheerful he's so gifted, beautiful yet fragile it seems he's a short-lived miracle. The silk curls of his short blonde hair, his ever-innocent baby blue eyes, his sweet warming smile, makes me forgot how fragile he is.

I stayed by the door of the room, waiting, hopping and worrying. With the wind quietly whistling and the sun obscured by clouds, an unsettling aura hung in the air.

"I'm done!" The quack doctor came out alone with his big grin smile.

"Where's he? How's he doing?"

The question felt trivially silly, yet nevertheless perfectly fitting. None of us doesn't know how's he doing but I do still had a little tiny hope that what I thought all this time isn't true.

"Ah, he's in the garden, I wonder what will happen if you keep caring for him? It's hard to tell you this but.." His big grin turn into something un-described. After pausing for a few seconds, the gentle calls of the wind his only response, he spoke again."By winter.." The words caught in his throat, and he had to let out a quiet wail as he tried to finish the sentence. "No, he probably doesn't even have until fall."

Death. Somewhere in your heart. You don't think about when that time will come once you are born, you can't escape this fate.

Overwhelmed with emotion, my eyes came to rest on the photograph that was framed on the stone before me. It was a repeating snapshot of him at age seventeen, his carefree expression never change even if he's not the same person as he used to be. He's just my memory now, my pieces of memory.

"Is that so?" 

I looked at the mirror my face was hard to read, with my eyes that were blank so I hope he wouldn't read my feeling.

"But, I'm relieved you've come to care about something since you can make such a face. You haven't really been living so somehow seeing your expression change is easy and surprising. I'll take my leave before you kill me by those psychopath eyes. Well, if something happens let me know right away."

He went away into nowhere just like he used to be. That crazy doctor is just like a ghost that came and gone by himself.

"So, the dream starting to come to an end huh?"

My lips curled into a sad smile as I remembered how that crazy doctor used to be the male that take me by the hand and read the last letter that Ricci gave me and he's the one that give me a lot of money for this STEIN, he trust me 'till the end even through my STEIN is still incomplete until now .

Along with the fluttering blossoms. Somehow I get the feeling that Ricci's full bloom and about to fall. So fragile like a thin glass against a harsh blow of the wind. It feels like he can fall apart any minute.

They fell, fluttering rapidly. No matter how much I pray this wish won't be granted. The flowers just continue to flutter down. There isn't anything I wouldn't do if it only meant that he could continue living. So, please don't take him from me, while I know, it won't be granted all I can do is keep praying, It'd be nice if time could stop.

When the spring flower scattered with fresh green leaves starting to bud. I am alone. Again. No! Not this time! Now Ricci's heart will always stay in those chest of him no one can take it away accept me. Since I'm gone he'll always alive and continue living. Because I know both of us meant to be separated.

I don't want Ricci to become confused and blame himself like the way I do, so I left a letter like he used to give me his last letter and I hope that crazy doctor that took my hand that night will take Ricci's hand read those letter.

"Ricci here's your letter I think it's better for you to read them by yourself."

Even though I don't have soul, I'll always love you, I left only my heart behind, when the angel's feather petals flutter down I'd be happy if you think of when I was with you. Even just a little bit. The season change and I'll come to see you when spring arrives. When the angel's feather petals flutter and scattered. I attached someone photo on this letter it's you Ricci but not you.

You know he's you, you deserve to live because you once give me life and now it's my time to give back what yours. 

the end? or not? 

 based on my mood ._.

chapter 2 - ending is a new beggining

Dead? what's dead?

Dead, dead, dead going through my head day and night. Ricci never told me that word mean, and I didn't understand yet everybody told me that Ricci is dead.

My eyes stung as I stared down at Ricci pale, waxy face. Ricci looked peaceful, but empty. There was nothing left of him but a hollow container of flesh that held no promise of waking.The sunlight was blinding as I looked up against the glare, my heart beat was peddling out of my chest. I was waiting for him, I was breathing for him. My eyes close as a shadow passes between me and the warmth.

The male took my hand and he held it softly, the brush of his fingertips so unlike Ricci. The sun, the warm sun was so bright. I close my eyes. I was lead to a place full of people.The tears they cried were for him.

The male gave me a smile that said it was time.

"What do you mean? What's dead by the way?"

The male widened his eyes and his mouth keeps opened and closed like he was tried to say something but that word never come out. After a while he smiled and started to explain something that better left unknown.

"Dead means Ricci's no longer in this world, he went away to the far far away star above us, star that we could never reach unless we're die."

My heart tightening, scared of what was I hearing, my chest heaved heavily, my mind gone blank, I quietly huddled in the hidden corner. I fall into a sit and lean back against one of the walls, folding myself up into as small of a ball as I can manage.And then I wait. And wait. And wait. It seems like I've been sitting in here for days but I know it can't be quite that long.

My forehead rests against one of my knees and I close my eyes, thinking back on my life to keep my mind off the present.

After pulled myself together, I took my final place by his side. He was sleeping like an angel, he looked so happy. My heart beat quickened, and I watched the first drip of rain touch his cheek, caressing along the side of the pale ivory flesh.

"Why were you leaving me? Why did you have to go?"

 I cried, as I clung on tight, my knees were buckling, and I was sinking to the ground.People were murmuring and I was falling.

"Can you shut me down? Please?"

I looked up to the male and wait his reaction hope he will give me the nodded. I want him to shut me down, I know I can't have something that as called as die because I was never be born or alive from the first place. 

"Do you really wish for it? Don't you wanna to hear his last letter first?"

I nodded. The rain was still falling but wasn't touching me, it only soaked him, the rain, they were my tears. I began to wipe them away. my hands reaching down and grabbing his much colder one. I entwined our fingers bringing it to my lips. The cold brush of that soft flesh a reminder for me about how far you are.

"I am not going any where, my dear, I am merely taking a new residence, some where closer where I will never leave. I will be here, always, just close your eyes and dream, I will be there, holding your hand, just breathe. Touch your chest, you can feel something there right now, my heart is in you, we'll never be apart."

I was clutching to him clinging to his suit with hope that tomorrow would never come. I touch my chest and I could feel something there. For the first time in centuries, I felt a bittersweet twinge in the pit of his stomach as he parted ways with Ricci.

"Now, say your goodbyes, and love me always."

I nod with sadness as I knew it was the only way, I would continue breathing for him , he would always be with me. I opened my eyes to the world a new, he was gone, but not truly gone. I hurt it's true, but I still was here. I would make it, even if it was alone.

"I'll always love you, and now is my turn to make you. I can't do it, Ricci. I can't continue without you"

I know I'm crazy, talking to a dead person. I miss him so much. I didn't think he'd understand.I never told him how I feel. But he felt the same.

Making my way back to my feet, I leaned down. He looked like an angel with a twinge of a smile, I could see his humor even in death, I could see his love even though he felt nothing. I forgive you for having to go.

My breathing was slow and deep, I knew, my heart isn't just beating for me, it would be beating for the both of us. My rain had stopped, and I felt nothing.

I was trembling with the effort of restraining myself. Then I was smiling up at the sky, tears streaming from my eyes and tracing shimmering paths down my cheeks.

I'll make Ricci just like he made me, I'll make his heart beat again like he made my heart beat, I'll teach him feeling just like he used to taught me, and make me not lonely anymore like I used to made him not lonely.

Someday, I'll return to him someday. 

to be continued... or not?

chapter 1 - heartbeat

"It's past midnight "

He didn't turn to me and when he spoke, his back was still the only thing of him I could see.

I nodded as I slid into place beside him, my arm resting on the railing in front of me. Water rolled off the walls with a gentle swishing sound, the ocean settles, the air settles, I hear only the sound of a sleeping sea, I gaze upon the water below me, the sea below calmer than it had been. The street lamps flickered forlorn amidst the swirling of snow and rain. overhead thick heavy clouds looked blearily down upon the quite sea. The streets have been blanketed in snow, but not the soft white powder where children played and built snowman, but rather the damp grayish substance that mirrored the depressing skies.

"It is." 

I struggles for words to say. I sighed, I nearly cry because of the pain. But, I thought I had no more tears to shed. Entire year had passed and yet, I still didn't have something that as known as 'heart beat'. I would always be incomplete things if this go on, and my maker Ricci had been struggled with sleep this past few days just for make something that can resembled the 'heart beat' whenever he tried something new it's hurt so bad. But crying couldn't help, my tears would only freeze in 

He suddenly coughing, he barely drag his head up to look. He was short of breath, seemingly on the edge of a cough attack as he leaned heavily against the balcony.

"Look."

Ricci was addressing his hand to the wide opened window. Then, the fireworks suddenly lit up, little sparks of light burst in the air as the noise, louder than thunder, they shone brightly, like stars, and then faded after a moment into nothingness, little dots of light were fading leaving only the depressing sky.

"I'm sorry you were born, I'm sorry I annoyed you, I'm sorry I pestered you,I'm sorry I hindered you, I'm sorry you ever wait for me, I'm sorry I'm so weak, I'm sorry I didn't succeed, I'm sorry I for everything, thank you for believed in me, thank you to had been by my side, thank you for made me learned how to love my life, thank you for never gave up on us, thank you for everything. but most of all sorry, I'll left you alone. I made you because I was lonely and now I think I will make you feel the same way that I did."

I turn around when he stopped, and found Ricci was laying, smiled at me and a fresh tear slid down one cheek as his soft voice whispered ecstatically.

"I hope you'll take what we've been searching for."

He pointed his chest, and laughed softly before all of the sound gone and replaced by my guilty sound.

to be continued... 

prologue - fate

I walked alone, my choices, mine to bear. My shadows stalks as I walk, alone. Then I thought 'I'm not afraid to walk this world alone'.

I slowed my step as I passed by the hallway stopping completely as I watched something there. the dewy moonlight leaked through the sparse clouds and spilled across his figure, highlighting him against the inky blackness beyond. I sighed as I look around, the halls were empty and the air was pure and fresh.

I took another breath as I stepped towards the door. pausing again few away from the door. I watched him again as he stoke his own hair, gripped his chest and breath slowly I feel like I could feel his pain just from a few miles away.

I couldn't bear to saw this anymore, if he really in pain at least I want to be by his side. at least I want to give something to him because it won't turned out like this I didn't do what I should never done, but now it's too late to regret it.

I walked through the path, I took all the scene around me from the sky above my head that  already became so dark with twinkle little star in every corner until the shoes that have been my friend from all this past 3 years. I should enjoy this time, because I don't have much time left unlike the me that I used to be, unlike the me that have a lot of time remaining, me that I am now is as hopeless as a dust.

  this should not have happened, none of this should have. I could avoided it, but the desire that I used to have made me do all this blissful sin, and I shouldn't have follow my sinister ambitions.